He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
