I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
