my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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