Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
