I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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