Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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