I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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