i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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