i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
