You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
