she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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