I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
