Just cropdusted the office
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
