I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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