I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
