I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
