She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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