If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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