Just cropdusted the office
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
