If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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