i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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