my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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