Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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