Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
