The maid of honor just puked.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
