just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
