mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
