Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
