The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just google imaged poop.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
