I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
