There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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