when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
