So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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