I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My ATM looks so different sober.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
