Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Vodka?
Forever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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