Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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