It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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