im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
