Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize