did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize