There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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