so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
