it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
