he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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