hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
