I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
