bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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