very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
