I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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