Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
