how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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