She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks