Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(501): View more from Arkansas

He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.

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(512): View more from Texas

its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love

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(480): View more from Arizona

the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(310): View more from California

you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.

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(620): View more from Kansas

There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.

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