2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dating After Heartbreak
It was confusing and full of hummus
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.