mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
