sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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