Whod you bang
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
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There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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