I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
