Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
