I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
