I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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