it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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