I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
