Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You are the jesus of drinking
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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