he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
