it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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