I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
