So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We got so high we made milksteak
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
