the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
