How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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