apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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