i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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