I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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